didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
