I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
