She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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