He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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