week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
