guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
