Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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