Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
