I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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