Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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