I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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