i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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