Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
