Already got asked if we're dating
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
