I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
