my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
