She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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