Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
