okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
