The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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