matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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