I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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