Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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