i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
