did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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