is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
