my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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