I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
