It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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