Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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