He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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