So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
