i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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