If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
