Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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