Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
