i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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