All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
