Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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