she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
