Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
