I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
