Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
