Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize