i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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