Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
