i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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