K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
