I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
