That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
