I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
