just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
