So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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