I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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