Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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