this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
