Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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