I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
