Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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