the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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