She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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