i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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