I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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