and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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