perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the day after is always just damage control
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
