More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
