and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
