Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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