My hand turned me down
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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