I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
