So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
