you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
