your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
