So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
