I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
