You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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