I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
