Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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