My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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