they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found a bag of teeth...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
