I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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